Eager Expectation

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been meditating on two words, Eager Expectation. I noticed these two words when I was studying the book of 1 John. 

“And all who have this eager expectation will keep themselves pure, just as he is pure.” 1 John 3:3

The words themselves produced such a deep longing in me that I probably took an audible inhalation when I first noticed them. Truth be told, I take very loud deep breaths. There’s a reason for that. 

I suffered for many years trying to overcome post-traumatic stress disorder and its effect on my body. My main complaint was, “I can’t breathe!” Many people would kindly encourage me to, “just breathe.” I can’t explain why I just would choke on my own breath. It went on and off like this for over 15 years. 

The only thing that finally helped was talking. A circle of women committed to meeting together weekly for a time. It took 2 years. I called this group The Boo-Hoo Club because our main goal was to listen to each other's stories but there were always tears. And we all promised each other that we would just listen and care. We allowed emotions to come up and we gave them a name, a very important thing when you are healing. This was when I learned that phrases like, “I felt like they didn’t care,” aren’t feelings, but “I felt insignificant,” are. 

It was a revelation. I discovered a little more about me, about these women. And as we uncovered caves of trapped emotions, we named them and let some light into them. Gave them a new name. It was a very creative process. We could begin to see ourselves and God’s hand more clearly. We were revealed to ourselves and to each other. I’ve heard it said that we are wounded in community and therefore must heal in community. 

Here’s the context to that verse I shared:

“Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is. All who have this eager expectation will keep themselves pure, just as he is pure.” 1 John 3:2-3

It seems common to me that when you find these words, eager expectation in the Bible, it is referring to understanding more of who we are to him, and what he really is like. A deep revelation that all creation is waiting for. 

“The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.” Romans 8:19

During the Apostle Paul’s most trying times, while he was in prison awaiting a trial that might lead to death, he penned a letter to the believers in Philippi. Ironically, the book of Philippians is also known as “The Epistle of Joy.” This is what he had to say about it all:

“According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.” Philippians 1:20 

So now also. How I wish I would have learned this sooner. There were days, anxiety sufferers know this, that I felt as though I was going to die just trying so hard to breathe. The simplest and essential of all human acts felt so hard for me.  So also now. Even in the moments we are held prisoner. So. Also. Now. He is in that tough moment. 

You can confidently trust him. He has a plan that death cannot destroy. You can handle those dark caves in your soul. Name them, let light in, and recreate them. Let God reveal to you who you truly are, what you really feel if you are honest, what makes you afraid and why, and that he wants you to belong deeply. 

“As always…” There are things that will not change but only get better. Or at least will get resolved one day. And he will get the glory because he is good, kind, and trustworthy. I no longer struggle to breathe. At least not like I used to. The Lord, through The Boo-Hoo Club and art making, has truly helped me heal. I can spot an emotion trying to turn into a cave and stop it in its tracks. My advice to anyone who feels stuck in any way isn’t “just breathe.” My advice is, to let light shine on it.  

Many blessings,

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